I knew it was inevitable. Let’s be clear. There are no secret late night phone calls or intimate moments. Luckily we are still in the shy smiles, sitting next to each other at assemblies, meeting in the hall. It is super sweet. But it is also the first time I see her testing what it is like to be chosen– and to choose. It’s special.
But mama bear is wiiiiiiide awake! You can’t help but wonder:
Will he be kind? Will he be sweet? Will she try to change for him?
It’s not about distrust. It’s about knowing how vulnerable love makes us…..even at 12.
I won’t warn her of the dangers. I don’t interrogate. I don’t plant doubt. She is flying high and I absolutely love it.
It’s a little sad because I know it is a stepping stone to shifting away from mom and dad. I know it is natural and I know it is healthy, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t ache a little. A part of me would like to keep her small for just a little while longer. Sometimes I wish I could go back to those baby and toddler days and relive a couple without the torture of sleep deprivation. It really is cruel that most of those precious days pass by while moms are in survival mode.
I know she could face heartbreak any day. I don’t focus on that. I try to remind her to hold on to herself when love can so easily sweep you away. She tells me stories and I point out that she doesn’t have to shrink herself to be chosen. I remind her that the right attention should never feel like you are chasing it. Affection sure feels nice, but it should never carry a personal price tag.
I took her to the dollar store the night before the planned exchange and we picked him out the manliest Valentine’s stuff we could find. Let me tell you it was trickier than I thought it would be.
That morning I waited as long as I could. I texted her to find out what he got her. I think my biggest fear was that he would forget. The boy did well! He brought her chocolates and a teddy bear. She was smitten. My heart swelled. I sent her one more message:
Awww. Love is so fun. I’m so happy for you, babe. Make sure they always treat you like the princess you are.
She thanked me for my message and for a moment I soaked in the joy. It wasn’t long before that protective worry tried to creep back in. I know no one escapes heartbreak. I know it is devastating. But, these are the good times and they shouldn’t be stolen by worry. All I can do is try to stay steady, never mock or minimize, keep my door open. If I do that, she will keep talking to me. That matters more than whether he brings her a gift. As I’ve told her, feelings are temporary and we can get through anything together.
